Your Light

     For New Year's this year, I spent the evening reading journal entries from my sweet husband.  Simply put, they were amazing.   What a blessing to have a glimpse into his mind and heart.   A chance to know him even better than I already did.  His love for me very apparent and tenderly interwoven into the difficulties he faced.   I was able to publish them into a book which has sat on my coffee table.   As I thought about what to put on the cover, I first thought about "Fight Forever Guardian" which is a quote from one of his favorite video games and a character called Shaxx that became his cancer motto.   But I wanted something that represented his entire life, not just his battle.  I searched through different quotes from Shaxx, and the perfect one was found.   "Good work guardian, your light is Strong."     

    I spent time on his birthday reading that journal, as it felt the best way to feel connected to him.   I cried, I smiled, I even laughed.   So grateful for his humor, his love and especially his light.   He put up with an immense amount of pain and trials to fight as hard as he could to be with me as long as he could, and along the way he faced challenges that many can't imagine.    Even I, who was by his side.   Here is an entry of his from May of 2015.  It's incredible to me that this was two years before he was diagnosed with cancer.   

"Took Michelle to work and then relaxed and tried to live through a dark moment.   That is when I realized it was just a dark moment.   Nothing more.   I now knew how to tell Michelle what I was going through.   She needed to know what last night for what it was.... just a dark moment.   I will have those.   And I have no description for them.   But now I know.   And She knows.   And things are okay.   I love her and she knows."   

     The phrase "I love her and she knows" felt especially profound and touched my heart.  He undoubtedly faced more difficult and dark moments.   But his light survived.   Good work, guardian.   

     

     So as the weather turns to fall, I've also thought about two events we have been able to participate in that are very symbolic with light.    He had the blessing to work for an events company called The Lights Fest.   The put on amazing event (think Tangled) where lanterns are launched into the sky.   One of his friends from there came to visit me this week.   Drew and I had an amazing discussion.   The genuine concern that he had for me was so touching.   Chris sure did know how to pick friends, as I've been blessed by several who check in on me and offer help and support.   Chris and I were able to attend the event three times.   Once in Mesquite, another in Eagle Mountain and another in Tooele.   Each time they treated Chris like a VIP and made special arrangements to make sure we were comfortable.   

    

     As well, the year after he was diagnosed with Myeloma we were able to attend an event called Light the Night.   It's put on the the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.   They are a non-profit who raise money for research and help patients receive treatment.    They were of great help to us.   At the event each person carry's a lantern which represents if they are walking as someone currently battling, someone supporting or someone who is walking in honor of someone who has passed.   

      For those in Utah interested in attending either of these events here are the dates.   LLS is free, but it is a fundraiser if you want to raise funds to help fight blood cancer.   For those outside of Utah, both events also are available in other states.   LLS also has a virtual event in November.   For me this year the memories are sufficient, but perhaps I'll go in the future.  

     

       

September 16th, 2023 - The Lights Fest

October 14th, 2023 - LLS - Light the Night